Last Goodbye

Decanting how you made me feel into words and expressing it justly is a tough task, given how special you were to me. If there’s anything that even remotely made me fathom what it’d be like to be a mom (without actually being one), it was when I lifted you up in my arms and you cuddled me with an urge that confirms how much you wanted to be in my arms; it was when I fed you with my hands and then wiped away the remnants of your food on your chin; it was when you always wanted me to be with you, like a small child; it was when you would wait unremittingly for

minutes together just outside the bathroom-door, until I finished bathing.

But I was a cruel, wasn’t I? I was never with you always. But I ensured to be with you whenever I could. But puggy, pity me more than you would censure me. I always wanted to be with you. You know it, I know you know it.

The first day you came to our place, scared and petrified, hundreds of questions in your mind maybe, but you made nothing of your apprehensions. Within minutes you were one of us. The small little baby that you were, guileless, innocence exuding from those uncorrupt eyes that always wanted only love, you made a place in our heart way before you got that corner there in front of the spiral staircase.

Spiral staircase! You never climbed them up. Did you! The small little legs and eyes could never comprehend how to climb the spiral stairs. You were a tough child; adamant most of the times, to explore your own abilities. But when you finally scaled six of the stairs, we saw it in your eyes that happiness and pride  when one bags a first prize. So what if you could not climb the remaining 15 stairs, scaling just 6 made you a hero in our eyes!

Remember, how I did my very best, so you could cadge every chance to relish and tantalize your sweet taste buds, even if for me it meant going on a war with my Mom? Remember, the moment when your life was almost at stake when Tuffy came and pounced on you. Terrorized and aghast, you couldn’t leave even for a moment the comfort you found in my lap. Sorry, puggy, for that terrible incident. I can still feel you shivering and trembling in my hands. Also, remember that first time you went on a car drive with me. Shuddering, you would just not get off my lap! I treasure every moment I spent with you, Puggy.

The innumerable times the two of us played ‘pakda-pakdi’ like we were kids from the nursery class. Running all the way from balcony to Akshay’s room and back again. Such fun it was. That’s when you made me feel also like a child of your age. You delivered bliss in whatever limited time you were with me, puugy. You made my life a blissland.

For Mom, you were her 4^th child. You never belonged to the category of Rocky and Tuffy. You always came in with Piyu-Monu-Akshay for her. She loved you dearly, and you know it. Wasn’t she the one who saved you that day from Tuffy’s grasp? Piyu for you was that stern and a demanding nursery teacher, who taught you discipline. But baby, wasn’t she also the one who screamed in inestimable delight and surprise, when you finally learnt how to shake-hand; and when you brought the ball thrown away, back to her? Akshay was your ‘yo bro’ and loved you beyond limits. And for Dad, you were the most special of the lot…

If only it was the case that you read this letter and came back running to our home, puggy… 

"These memories are draped in the blanket of our love.
Wait for me at the door, like you always did, until we meet above."

Puggy, even today the rays of the sun coursing through the glass window illuminate the place you used to reign in, but today you are no more there. Even today your voice echoes exactly at 9am for breakfast, wish it was you, but alas…….. puggy, even today I look for a furrowed brow as cute and as innocent as yours, but no one comes close, you were the best among the lot.

The biggest regret of my life is not having been with you in your last moments. But even then, YOU made sure I met you, didn't you? You made sure you said that Last Goodbye to the person who loved you most dearly.

Did you not come to me, in the form of a Pug that stays in a house opposite my college here in Bombay, and got yourself caressed and pampered from me? I know it was you who made the distance meaningless just moments before your time ended. I know it was you. I ssso know it was you, though miles away, but you met me in your own physical form-- of a pug.

 Baby, people call it coincidence and they call me crazy.
But I know that pug was you. I know it was your soul in his body, that came to me……….
To say the Last Goodbye ……… :'(
To say the Last Goodbye  :’(