the mute expression...

(From a random blog)

Just how beautiful life becomes when you find out that someone you eternally knew as your closest friend, and the very one whom you’ve endlessly admired all your life for his intelligence turns out to be the very person you dreamt of in your subliminal thoughts and the very person who governs your concealed feelings…Like a ray of light that illuminates the walls of your heart and makes visible the things written…. Who takes you into a different space and time… makes you dwell in a state which is rather indescribable by human aptitude…

Defining this person is too awful a task for words…… but in the end that’s all I have…

Each day the realization rises to a different level and I fall for him all the more, unwarranted. Too much written in rhymes but its still not even 0.01% of what I actually wanna say. It is also about his folks, their love, their care, their support…yes, their SUPPORT without which we couldn’t’ve been as open about all this… yes, the very fact that the elders know… is a great support in itself…

I was good at expressing when I was inexperienced… the more I probe into the depth of this beauty, the more wordless I grow. Coz you can either have words or love. Try out. :P
He takes me into this mad comfort zone…. And makes me forget myself… i don’t have to feel guarded or cagey before speaking anything that comes to my mind. i can be the ME and that’s the most I can do for him… no pretence. Just like I am to myself… : )

I cant thank him enough for all that he is to me… just knowing that he’s just 15min away keeps me composed and calm.. easing me just by the certainty of his presence, putting to rest all the turbulence of mind, … what more can I ask for? I just wanna ensure him of the same from my side… but no matter how many rhymes I come up with, or words I write on this blackboard, or how many times i say it, it wont be even remotely close to the assurance that he gives me of his love forever, by the little things that he does. yet he derives it all and leaves no real need to actually express it.

I have never been THIS close to any person in all my life…even when we were friends, good friends, best friends, close friends, we were true to the relationship we shared. Never ever it occurred to me or him to think of it to be something more than what it was.. and when we knew it was “something actually more” we dint have to say it… it was mutely expressed….. and this mute expression gave a voice to all words that would have fallen short to express even with volume…

“It’s what you do to me….
Oh… its what you do to me…”

I just wanna say it to you, my Best Friend-
That… although you don’t have that dimple-icious smile you can die for… for me, yours is the sweetest one in the world…. \m/ and… its not the dimple that refines any smile… it’s the truth in your eyes that does..

I dunno why m I writing all this down ... this feeling is out of the world….. I still have your home-paper book open in fronta me.. (you know why) : ) n’ve gone through it like ten times by now…. ;) n my fellow chemical engineer, I tell you, chemistry rocks .. \m/ ;) ;) hard to decrypt for others... hehe... :)

-->

(bigger dramaaaa) :D :D :D hehe..

and i believe in it each time you say to me that "nothing is impossible for you,girl"... you know why do i believe in it?? because the most impossible thing has already happened to me :) - YOU!

Goodnight/day..

15-12-2009

That Somebody….

(From a random blog)


It’s been a year of eternal happiness, 365 days full of memories. Each special !!!
I say, even if I die today, it’d be with a smile. A smile so obviously spreads out on my face when I look back. The last one year has taught me so much, changed me so much.
A year of the sweet firsts. A year that incorporated in me enormous courage to face anything that life subjects me to. All this only because of one person. It makes me wonder how can one person have so significant influence on somebody’s life to this extent. And for me this person was ‘that somebody’.
That ‘somebody’ who believes in you so much that even the things, you almost know are impossible for you, feel like a cinch. That somebody, who loves you with all your mistakes. That somebody. Believe me, the day you find ‘that somebody’, life becomes an easy task, a walk in the park. And then you have infinite walks in thousands of parks :P
When you have that person in life, it’s but natural that your blog, notes, diaries, books are sooo filled with poems. I was never before so fluent in my thoughts. The song I remember even as I type this is- “Main shayar to nahi…. ” So true. :P
And what luck when that somebody is the very somebody you have admired for all your life. The very ‘somebody’ who has known you with everything that you are. Just the second self. I could not have been any luckier.
I cannot pen down each of the zillion feelings that are in my mind. All I can say is… I have never been THIS happy ever. I cherish each day spent so much that I feel it necessary to make note of it. And today I have an account of each of the 365 days in a word file. Each!
Waiting at the bus stops, getting imli after searching like 10-15shops, BEST rides to south Mumbai, needless to say, the loooong chats at marine drive, seeing a thousand times the setting sun, begging for kaju katli even when I don’t like it, wondering how useful ATMs are as they give us a chance to have walks around, clicking pics for no reason at all, feeding on the memories, talking about the future, walking in the patent style, eating pohe and wada pav, walks, talks, serious talks, journeys, movies, bike rides, car drives, dreams, fantasies, chaats, …Oh!
Now when I look back, all these cute little things seem soooo sweet. So small yet so noteworthy. I already feel like I belong to their kinfolk. Their unassuming nature, their constant love and tremendous support. I love you all already !!!
Everything said and done, there’s still more to!!
Hey my ‘that somebody’, Thankyou for every little thing that you taught me, that helped me live life with a good change. Things, little for you, but life-changing for me. Can i BE more thankful?
:)
goodnight/day!
14-12-2009

can be an innings defeat

People look at you

But with eyes blind
Your worth
And your love
Probably they’ll never find
Somebody’ll hold your hand
Paint a road map
To channel you to
The top of the hills
Unexplored and uncharted.
Confused and sad
That you have become
Whatever made this happen
Must be so horrible
And so bad.
Give life to your dreams
Lift your spirits
Time and again I repeat
Don’t give in,
It can be an innings defeat.

5th dec

Smile on your lips

A serene arch.

And the stunned eyes

Shooting swift radiant glance.

The amazement

On your face,

Leaving no chance

And allowing no space

For pretty much

Anything else.

Your word or wish,

Is my law.

There’ll be no misstep,

To you I vow.

When you held me close

Then, And even now

I feel warmth

That bars me to exist,

And nudges me to live.

Uncategorized and Untitled

I've been dozing off too late these days, exams over; reading books, cleaning room, talking excessively on phone with mom, sis and bro, or just chatting/commenting/interviewing/passive fbing..... plus, i discovered this electric heating coil in the evening, in one of my abandoned old bags.... i bought some milk powder, coffee powder in eve. And even as i write this, i m having a glassful coffee....! thereby jeopardizing the remotest of possibility of sleep...

Read 2 states... wonderful story...... well written...... more of entertainment.... u feel like u just watched a Hindi film.... Chetan Bhagat's books have always been like that....

started with Frederick Forsyth......

why m i writing down this random stuff, u may question... please bear with me coz even i dunno what i m writing... or thinking... or even doing.. or writing.. oh i cant believe i wrote it twice.. see, din't i say!

Exams are over, don't wanna talk of it, though... they are OVER !!!

Dying to go back home...i hear its chilling cold out there in a'bad [unlike Mumbai where the Mercury's Thermal Expansion or Contraction never occurs] not that i can stand low temperatures, its just that i love all my sweatshirts [:D] .... This city (mumbai) will never be subjected to such low temperatures except for exam in Cryogenics...

i m excited about the return journey for certain 'ssshhhh' reasons tooo [ ;) ] hehe...

just the journey is gonna be fun. coz all my folks there will be busy writing their exams :( and the 'sssshhh' reason will be just for a day ;(

gotto finish off license thing in any condition... [weary eyes]
gotto do project work...... [ :x ]

ufff!!! Life's a bitch, didn't i say???

Goodnight/day !!!!

Remember???

Remember the night

when your eyes revealed

The words you wanted to confess

And left my eyes

Rather wordless?

Remember the vow

Of never to regress?

And predict the smile

That’s a “no-marks-guess”

Remember how we

disowned ourselves

To the love and the tenderness

And first expressed

the feeling that had

a meaning engrossed?

Remember how you

Whispered in my ear

The words of wisdom

That undid all the fear,

……made the road clear

And boosted me

To hit the top gear ..

Next year, this time..

Realizing how things will be changed next year, this time. I know it’s gonna be more unbearable than I can ever even perceive…. Why does it have to change at all??? Why can’t we all get down at the same stop, stay together forever.. Or, or, why can we all stay where we are??? Why do we have to leave everything that we love/we are used to… and go to somewhere we know we wont be as happy?? Why’s life a bitch????

Some will be into job-job, some will be studying their asses off, some will go to USA, DAMN GRE !!! [although, I dunno which category I fit in]. Into an utterly different world, doing things that life makes one do… why can’t WE make our life??

How troubling this thought is!! Agonizing, to say the least effectual. [:| ]

Will I have those night outs anymore with you gals.. ???       

Long phone chats with Janhavi until the cell-battery gives up????   

Or an sms fight with Neha????                                                 

Candid Confessions with Renuka???                                             

Or those “India played superb!Din I say Sachin is God!” conversations with Ameya???                                                      

Or those “hi sis” “kya bhai” dialogue with Sumeet???                   

Or those ‘Friends’ discussions with Neeraj???                                 

Or those Voyages with Satya??? {aaaaAAAaaa!!!!}[ :( ]

Why’s it all gonna change????                                                          I don’t wanna miss any of these…. I don’t want all this to alter either… but figuring out that it’d not be anymore ‘like this’ after, say, next 7months leaves me marooned.

Only if you guys can offer any help to get me outta this.. …..[:(]

Reminds me of :

“Livin' alone,
I think of all the friends I've known.
But when I dial the telephone,
Nobody's home.
All by myself,
Don't wanna live, all by myself anymore”

[:(]

Goodnight/day!

House arrest

I don’t even know if anybody even drops in on this blog these days, Neeraj Ameya Sumeet AND Satya, do you? Atleast???

[:)]Quite a lull since pretty long. I do have reasons [;)] but I’m back !!! and right in the middle of my exams … Thanks to the supposed “CYCLONE” that is/was going to hit Mumbai [:)] that we got our Mechatronics paper postponed to 27^th nov, and I got sometime off to bother about my blog after it had become all outmoded with boring poems that I keep on writing and which people appreciate only coz they love me. [:P]  I subject them to all this, forgive me, God.

Last few weeks…. Very bad.. submissions… exams… tensions… running after Xerox…Uffff !!!! the sum of money engineers spend in Xerox-ing is enormous; makes me consider it as a stand-in career option if I don’t land up anywhere good. [:)]

So I was saying- tensions took toll on me leaving me like I have expressed in “In this despair, In this fear” [:P]  ( See, I endorse my poems [:P], Shameless I’m) and I wonder, I’d’ve not been so tensed if I knew my future! I’ll elaborate on it more after exams though. Its about mechatronics.

So, the purpose of this blog is to let the readers… if any…… know that the writer is very much alive but busy with some more important stuff in her life [:)]…And as everything falls well in place she’ll be back to this black-board keying in all the relevant and irrelevant…. interesting and boring……. prose and poetries [:D]

Currently it’s a house arrest for me with a liability to do pretty much nothing else but study, . And anyway most of you guys must be busy doing submissions or enjoying PL’s or passive FBing or voyaging!!!

Oh I miss our voyages !!!

Goodnight/day!!!

You

You have heard it all

Yet you don’t mind hearing it again

Each day for you I fall

In your love I rise up again

 

You let me talk n talk

Until I find my way

Then you pronounce it all in silent words

The thing I just tried to say

 

Angry silence or my glum heart

You decode it and with art

Offer me an embrace

All I need, you know in a glance

 

Seems magical how you read

All unwritten n unspoken

And I realize lying here in bed

How my feelings are always stolen

 

Tonight, for you I wait

I close my eyes and see

All the dark hills you’ll have to cross

To reach me

To grace this aching heart

And then never depart

I just wanna belong here...

(based on my experience of 19th Oct, breathtaking but lovely)

Outside love's lair
I shape up my messed up hair
And then slowly knock on the door
Of your hearts and stand on the golden floor

Let me in, for i want to stay
I don't wanna anymore sway
I'm tired of staying away
Here, tell me, can I lay?

The door opens…..
I lapse as i hear the creak
My heart skips a beat
I'd been over all this in my head
Can’t remember now, a single word i'd said
And as my anxiety kicks in
Leaves my body tremblin’
I begin to wonder how it'll turn out
But the sight of you ends all doubt
And my thoughts arrange in a line
I’m sure it’s all gonna be fine
Your words and laughter
Spraying comfort to reassure
A conviction that me derives
From those speaking eyes
Of Staying forever near
I just wanna belong here....