The ‘X’

I have been mentally completely bankrupt for quite a while now. This feeling is kinda taking over me. Sounds more like the mid life crisis, say, Quarter life crisis???

But that’s how its going, I have everything and everybody to keep me upbeat, friends, people around me, the 10pm Badminton friends, 24hrs laptop n Ipod, but something’s missing. Its something which comprises more of ‘me’.

The fun, the laughter, the mirth, the high spiritedness, everything that used to be very first in the attributes of who I am, is missing.

This is mainly because of the surreal, callous and malicious people I have encountered recently in my life. Not that it is bothering me so much but then I can’t stand it when one steps on my happiness. I cant. And in vengeance I end up in an argument which may not bother the person who I m talking about but makes me feel perturbed. This follows with a never ending feeling of guilt and culpability. I start questioning my blameworthiness.

Not that this person, say person ‘X’, I’m talking about is a friend of mine, or even remotely close to be called one. But then, this is the one whom I have to encounter everyday. If not part of my life, X happens to be a part of my everyday! and for reasons inarticulate to me, X seems to be very much at comfort to live in pretence even in smallest of things! Nobody would, would you?

One part of me hates X and the other part rather subtle, wants to forgive X. But both the parts the Anti and the Subtle are equally formidable and any try to strengthen either of them puts me into more frenzied turbulence. I cant do away with X but I cant even stand X.

Then wakes the more sensible and sane part of me, and thinks of this as just another unwanted-but-there part of life; Worrying so much about it, only makes it more significant. This side of mine makes my mind more strong to resist the turbulence created by the previous two; I can’t let myself ruin my days just for one person- X, who I don’t even care about or give a damn about!

Feeling much better after writing it down. : )

(X is purely an alphabet to denote here, any resemblance in name to any person living or dead is purely co-incidental)

Sometimes i feel, Blogger has become my best friend ! Anytime, Anything i feel, i can come up and expel here. Love you Blogger!

Goodnight/day